[Editor’s Note: Psyched about about Mittens and Barry this evening? As an homage to American political culture, Pavement, and poet John Ashbery, ToM’s Clement Lime offers up his poetic take on the Biden-Ryan fracas. Constructed from gchat conversations about the VP debate and in the style of Ashbery’s legendary work The Tennis Court Oath, the poem will hopefully spark the inner politico in all of us.]
What channel are you watching the debate on?
Biden leads with the grin!
White, long haired, erotic.
I speak for myselves, post-sober, or mice elves. I’m drunk on Paul Ryan workout photos!
You all mind if I just listen to DJ Screw records all night instead?
Someone with some moral courage
You are a total buzzkill
I consider myself the Joe Biden of the internet
Them teeth are dope
Biden is going hard
Throw Ryan’s economic ideology?
Ryan bears a striking resemblance to Eddie Munster
Paul Ryan does p90x and the asylum workout at the same time, he can do anything
Can we please stop talking shit about Ryan
HE’S RIGHT HERE
I LOVE VETERANS AND YOUR SON
I’m going on facebook
told ya post-politics
One of my friends is on a raw vegan diet
THIS LECTURE ON EMBASSY SECURITY FUCKING SUCKS!
Yum…. i could go for a malarkey sandwich
What exactly are my odds when I “bet against America”? I mean should I parlay this with a bet for Mongolia?
Mongolia’s actually looking good on intrade
Do not apologize for our values
Oh gosh yes, let’s apologize
His pin is huge
‘READ MY PINS”
My flag is bigger than yours
Your flag is puny and, yes, flaccid
Joe Biden keeps laughing his ass off
The Iraq War is what’s boosted Iran’s power in the region.
Obama’s Islamist inclinations did
Heard it at a panel at AEI last week
“I don’t want to go into classified stuff”
“Not gonna do it”
Classified being my workout schedule this week
What, I ask, does the Ayatollah see?
THIS IS A BUNCH OF STUFF
Bibi and Obama have been in an open relationship
They let Biden watch
What my opponent is overlooking is the importance of nuking the bastards
You misunderstood me
You misunderestimated me
I think you are underwhelming
I will nuke the unemployment rate
Biden is going HAM!
Biden with the arms!!
“Who is this guy, amiright amiright?”
Energy independent by tomorrow!
Make more shit
“Mitt Romney’s a car guy!”
His wife’s got 3!!
Bullshit you can believe in
“I hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.” – Jean-Ralphio
Whatchoo talkin bout willis?
Windmills in China!
Ryan’s hair has natural shellacogenic qualities
Old people run the show people.
The specter of Sarah Palin!
Don’t take up all the 4 minutes!
Let me give you a discourse on inequality
Small businesses are people too
I think Obama’s milk joke at the state of the union is by far the worst ever
Paul Ryan is from canada?
He was born in Kenya
Its not math, it’s MAGIC, Biden.
Bi partisan- they don’t know the definition of BI PARTISAN
They confuse it with bisexual and we know how that goes
Only Congressional pages
Do they give reacharounds across the aisle? Reacharounds to nowhere?
Ooh, I like this moderator.
Yeah she’s boss
Had to pay the cost to see the boss
WERE GONNA TALK WAR
it’s like an imaginafghanenactment
We don’t want to stay, we want to Build bigger tanks that will stay.
“One of my best friends in Janesville …”
“There was this girl in Niagara Falls once..”
“I met this girl from Nantucket”
Do you think the Afghan Whigs regret their name know or celebrate it?
I’ve memorized lots of place names
I can name more places in Afghanistan than you!
Zora, Schenectady, Sheboygan…
Sheboygan… sausage factory of the midwest
Sheboygan… total sausage fest
You open your markets
Free market bingo!
That sounds like a fun game
I need more tanks.
Will tanks be available on the market?
“Smokey this is not Vietnam, this is bowling. There are rules.”
Paul Ryan is a lot like Liz Lemon’s agent
So there are no actual Christians in this election
A Muslim a Mormon and two Catholics
My faith informs my vagina.
It informs mine
No way you can see a heartbeat in 7 weeks
I need some alligator tears.
or dead baby fetuses
How about an alligator with tears and a baby fetus?
As a man, i will give sweet, sweet loving to this nation
I will caress your Anglo Saxon brow
We need a math Nazi.
HOPE AND CHANGE!